It's that time of the year again, where jokes are exchanged to celebrate St. Patrick's day, upcoming March 17th. On this day we usually wear green, but I think that color came about because of all the celebrations at the pub and then being 'green sick' the next day..... *Shan manicures her fingernails*...
Anyway, I'll start first...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night'. She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was ye toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'
One day Meg O'Connely found herself in a bit of financial trouble, so she prayed: "Oh God, please let me win the lottery this week."
And so she watches the lottery on tv, and she doesn't win.
So she prays again: "Dear God, PLEASE can I win the lottery, otherwise I'll have to sell my car to survive!"
Another week goes past and she doesn't win the lottery, and she has to sell her car.
So she cries out "God Almighty, PLEASE let me win the lottery, or I will have to sell all of my personal possesions just so I can survive!"
Another week goes past, and still Meg does not win the lottery. Now she only has her house furniture, and the clothes on her back left.
So she almost screams: "GOD! WHY, OH WHY DID YOU NOT LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY? NOW I SHALL HAVE TO SELL EVERYTHING ELSE I OWN JUST SO THAT I CAN EAT! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME? WHY HAVE YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME?"
In reply, there is a mighty crack of thunder. The heavens open up, and a huge voice booms out: "Sweetheart, work with me here...buy a ticket!"
Posts: 706 | Location: In my bed curled up with my cat | Registered: July 15, 2008
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I've just found one."
Posts: 238 | Location: Monterey CA | Registered: May 22, 2007
Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise The Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
Posts: 925 | Location: Denmark | Registered: January 25, 2008
