7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! Myfavorite! 10pm - Oh boy! Bedtime! My favourite!
Entries in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity .... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by winding around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. She speaks with them regularly. I am certain she reports my every move. Due to her current placement in the metal container, her safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
Posts: 99 | Location: The Garden of England | Registered: November 01, 2006
Originally posted by Semaspa A: Another one...this one from my roommate! "Breaking News...The Energizer Bunny was arrested last night and charged with battery..."
*laughs* This is I believe one of the most tricky with words joke ever existed. I definitely laught so good at it. Thank you very much for sharing it!
Posts: 113 | Location: Romania | Registered: September 16, 2009
Originally posted by Anxious 2: I have a little one...
What do you get dropping a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor!
I've heard that one before and it never gets old! I remember two years ago my physics teacher set that one up and made it look like a complex problem we had to solve!
Posts: 189 | Location: Cal Poly SLO | Registered: July 21, 2009
One of my favourite forms of jokes: PUNS!!! Here's one I learned: There was a person who sent ten puns that won an international pun contest. She sent them to her boss, hoping they would cheer him up, considering that he's a total grouch all the time. Sadly, no pun in ten did!
I'll try to find others and share them! ~A
Posts: 189 | Location: Cal Poly SLO | Registered: July 21, 2009
Excellent! Here's one of my favourites that I heard while waiting for a piano recital to start... A duck walks into a bar and flaps his way onto the stool. The bartender asks him, "What'll ya have?" The duck replies, "Do you have any duck feed?" The bartender, peeved says, "No, we don't have any duck feed! Get outta here!" The next day... Duck: (flaps onto barstool) Bartender: (rolls eyes) What'll ya have? Duck: Do you have any duck feed? Bartender: No! Beat it, and the next time you ask for duck feed, I'll nail your feet to the floor! The next day... Duck: (flaps onto barstool) Bartender: Well? Duck: Hey, you have any nails? Bartender: No... Duck: Do you have a hammer? Bartender: No... Duck: Do you have any duck feed?
Posts: 189 | Location: Cal Poly SLO | Registered: July 21, 2009
Bombadil, Thanks for sharing a dog and cat laugh. I hope all is well with you. My wife Pat and I hope to visit England, Ireland and Scotland soon. Her Dad was born in England. Thanks again. We are counting the days for Loreena and co. to play in Asheville, NC Larry (Lovedog)
A recently sacked (that's "fired", for you non-British English speakers out there) share trader rushes into a bar and orders four expensive, 30-year-old single-malt whiskeys. He lines them up and without pausing, quickly downs each one.
"Whew", the bartender remarks, "you seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be, too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks.
"Fifty cents."
--Artúr
Posts: 166 | Location: East Central Minnesota, USA | Registered: March 18, 2007
